Extremely bad n stupid week!

Friday 22nd September
03.53
I am feeling so low right now.
Before I got out of bed I was crying so much coz I was in so much pain.
I got up at 8am n took my pain killer. N then I was just sitting down n was thinking.
I took 16 sleeping tablets (zopiclone 7.5mg) and the previous night I had a LOT of alcohol I normally have to take only 1 at night. I was in so much pain rating of about (20 -10)
I didnt know what would have happened if I took them. I just didnt care.
My girlfriend came over later in the afternoon and she got me some food. I couldnt really get out of bed. She is actually staying with me tonight but she s sleeping right now.
I just wanted to die! I couldnt manage living wit this pain any longer.
Im angry at everything. Why did this happen to me. I dont want to continue living my life this way.

I think that the main reason am feeling this is coz my mum doesnt live wit us for long. I really want her to stay wit me.
The other thing is wit my girlfriend. We have been going out for six months next month… I want to get married to her. Then I think I would have something to look forward to in life. Even my mum thinks it s a good idea coz she thinks that if am with the person I love I would cope with all this better. I cant rely on my brother all my life. I feel really bad abut him coz he takes care of me a lot. He cant move on with his life coz am his burden. I dont want to be a burden to anyone.

I think if I get married to jenny and live with her, I would become more responsible n I wouldnt have as many flare-ups that often. I would then focus all my attention on starting a family of my own.

Right now Im staring at my sleeping tablets and wondering on what I should do. .
Ive got like 17 more with me. That would be like 127.5mg. I wish that would just put me to sleep or into a coma.

I took 5 now. IL probably just take 4 more.

I wish I was a kid. I really miss all those times. Me being very active n sociable. Now the only time I go out would be to go clubbing n get drunk.

I just checked my voicemail and had a message from my store manager. He just phoned and asked if everything is ok wit me coz I didnt go to work the last 2 days.

Andy

Oroginal Post, posted myself 10-12 years ago..

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